BAU Elfland
by purplerayz
Summary: Of all the things he could have possibly expected when he came into work today, this was... well, this wasn't even on the list. - Written for the-vampire-act's holiday contest.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds or its characters... But it is #1 on my Christmas list for Santa!**

**This is written for the-vampire-act's holiday contest. I really have no explanation for this story, except that it's finals week, and writing this was the stress relief I needed!**

**So, enjoy this... weirdness! :)**

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Reid had a headache. He knew it was going to be a long day just simply because of that fact. Hopefully, the pile of case files he knew was waiting for him on his desk would be distracting enough for the constant pounding to at least be bearable. He winced when the elevator dinged loudly, indicating that it had arrived at his desired floor. But as he looked out of the open elevator doors, he froze in his spot.

Of all the things he could have possibly expected when he came into work today, this was... well, this wasn't even on the list. It was so far off the list that he couldn't even come up with a good analogy to describe how far off the list it was. It was... unfathomable. Yet, he knew his eyes were seeing clearly, and his brain was processing everything correctly.

As he stepped off the elevator onto the sixth floor, Reid was met with an array of Christmas decorations. Multiple trees with a multitude of decorations hanging on them were placed variously throughout the floor. Garland was strung up the stairway that led to Hotch's office and continued to be wrapped around the entire length of the railing along the walkway. Some Christmassy tune was playing in the background that Reid didn't recognize. He had never seen the place decked out so much for Christmas before.

What was the most shocking though, was what everyone was wearing. All of the office's occupants were dressed like elves in green and red outfits. And they were all working like absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary.

Reid slowly made his way to his desk after the initial shock had lessened a bit, feeling oddly _extremely_ out of place. At least Prentiss was sitting at her desk working. He was glad to see such a familiar face in this oddity. Though she was also dressed as an elf...

"Reid, what are you wearing?"

The sudden exclamation from Prentiss nearly caused Reid to jump back out of his seat just after he sat down. Prentiss was looking at him as though he was some sort of alien life form.

"I should be asking you that," Reid replied. "Did someone forget to send me the memo?"

"What memo?" Prentiss asked, clearly confused, before shaking her head. "You need to go change, Reid. You're going to get in trouble!"

"Why would I get in trouble for wearing my normal clothes?"

"Normal? Reid, are you feeling okay?"

Reid stared at Prentiss for a moment. She was completely serious. "_I'm_ fine. Are _you_ feeling okay?"

Prentiss stood up and walked the short distance to Reid's desk, grabbing his hand. "Come on. We need to go before he sees you!"

"Before who sees me?"

Prentiss didn't answer, and Reid obediently followed, trying to ignore the childish gesture of holding his hand as he was pulled in the direction of Garcia's office. It was no surprise that Morgan was in there, but it was a surprise that he was dressed like an elf as well. Garcia... well, that didn't really surprise him.

Both Morgan and Garcia shared the same appalled look that Prentiss had when she had first seen Reid. They seemed too shocked to even say anything right away.

"_What_ are you wearing?" Morgan finally asked. "Reid, he's going to get angry if he sees you."

"Seriously?" Reid asked. "You too? Is this supposed to be one giant joke or something? It's a little much, don't you think?"

Garcia got up from her seat and approached Reid, placing the back of her hand against his forehead.

"What are you doing?" Reid asked, backing away.

"Are you ill?" Garcia asked. "If you were ill, he probably wouldn't get as mad."

"Why do all of you think I'm sick? And who is this 'he' you guys keep referring to?"

Garcia answered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "The boss, of course!"

"You mean Hotch?"

Garcia audibly gasped, while Morgan and Prentiss gaped at him.

Reid was practically gaping back in confusion. "What?"

"You're not supposed to call him that!" Prentiss whispered harshly.

"I'm not supposed to call Hotch, Hotch? What else am I supposed to call him?"

"You really are sick, aren't you?" Garcia asked in the most serious tone Reid had ever heard from her.

"The only sickness I have is a headache, and you guys are making it worse."

The room was silent. Clearly, he had said something wrong, though he had no idea what.

"I think I'm going to go get Papa Elf. He'll know what to do."

If Reid hadn't seen Prentiss's mouth moving, he never would have believed those words had just come out of her mouth. Prentiss left the three of them quickly, leaving Reid utterly confused about the whole situation and wondered who in the world "Papa Elf" was.

"This is going to make one heck of a story to tell JJ," Reid bemused quietly to himself. Apparently not quietly enough, though, because this time, both Garcia _and_ Morgan gasped. "What did I say wrong this time?" Reid asked.

"We do not speak of her," Garcia whispered.

"Why not?"

"She was a bad elf, and she was sent away," Garcia explained solemnly, still whispering. "We do not speak of the bad elves."

Now this was getting really ridiculous. How far was this joke going to go?

Prentiss returned shortly with... Rossi? Rossi was Papa Elf? Okay, _now_ this was getting ridiculous, as even Rossi was dressed in a similar elf fashion as the rest of them.

"What are his symptoms?" Rossi asked, and Reid had no idea how the man could be so serious in the costume he was wearing.

"Headache," Morgan answered. "And obviously extreme forgetfulness."

"He's cold, too," Garcia added.

"What?" Reid turned back to her. "I'm not cold."

"You're shivering."

As she said it, Reid realized she was right. He was cold and shivering. Maybe he really was sick. But that didn't really explain all the elf costumes, unless he was having a very vivid hallucination.

"Do you think we should send him home?" Prentiss asked.

"Yes," Rossi answered. "And we should get him out of here before he sees him. I think it would be better if we say he never even came in today. I'll take him home. The rest of you should get to work. Christmas is only a few days away, and if we don't make our quota, Santa won't be very happy."

Santa? Oh god, this had to be a hallucination or a dream, because Reid was pretty certain he knew who Santa was.

Reid turned around to follow Rossi out, all too happy to get away from this weird BAU Elfland, but stopped immediately as he was suddenly face-to-face with Hotch: aka Santa. Hotch wasn't wearing his usual suit, but a red and white one that resembled a Santa outfit, complete with Santa hat. Reid would have burst out laughing had it not been for the stone cold expression on Hotch's face.

"He's ill," Rossi quickly explained. He was the only one in the room who hadn't averted his eyes from Santa.

Of course, Reid thought, because he's _Papa Elf_.

And now Reid thought he must be really ill, because he was referring to Rossi as Papa Elf and Hotch as Santa... This was just getting worse by the second, as was the pulsing of his headache.

"Reid, can you hear me?"

Wait. That was Hotch's voice, but his mouth hadn't moved. Was this a hallucination within a hallucination? It was too much to think about right now. His head hurt far too much for it, and he just wanted to go home and lie in his nice _warm_ bed.

He didn't feel any sensation of falling, but suddenly he was lying flat on his back, blinking rapidly as the faces of Papa Elf and Santa swam above him.

No... It was the faces of Rossi and Hotch. Both clothed _normally_.

That was a relief.

He was still confused, though. He was lying on the cold, snow-covered ground, and his head was throbbing immensely. He had no idea what he was doing there. He groaned, wincing his eyes shut. A flash of his team in costumes formed behind his eyelids, so he forced them open again.

"What..." Reid started as he tried to sit up.

"You slipped on the ice, Reid," Papa Elf—_Rossi_ informed him, while Hotch's hand on his shoulder gently forced him back down. "Take it easy. You hit your head, and you've been out for nearly five minutes."

"Oh," Reid responded. "That explains so much."

"It does?" Hotch asked.

"Yeah," Reid chuckled slightly before explaining, "Weird dream... Hotch, can you promise me something?"

"What?"

"Never make us dress up as elves and call you Santa."

Reid didn't really care that his statement probably made him sound more concussed than he might already be. The look of confusion that crossed Hotch's face made it worth it.

Reid finally sat up. As he looked down the sidewalk, he saw Prentiss and Morgan, both in their elf costumes.

But as he blinked and looked again, they were gone.

Oh, yeah... He was definitely concussed.

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**There may be more of this nonsense locked up in my brain somewhere, so there might be a couple more chapters. We'll see what the week brings...**


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